FRIEND ZONE

When Adam was created,he was lonely and out of his own rib,God created for him Eve who was to be his COMPANION.Now thats how they started out until Eve ended up multiplying and filling the earth.You see Eve was a smart woman. She did not for one minute think that COMPANION meant friend and if thats what she thought she was dead wrong.

You are probably wondering what on earth Im talking about.It may not relate to you but you may know someone who is lingering in this predicament.You know, that heterosexual guy friend you have who has one million female friends, or that boyfriend who has a female best friend? Hallo!!!!WTF??

Truth be told.Guys say that women just want a man who has money to finance her indulgences.Yes, among other minor details like love.But men used to be pretty much straight to the point.THEY JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX!!!That is until they discovered a shortcut into your pants,or so they thought.

Ladies,listen and listen good.Men are not capable of keeping a female friend and not try to hit on her atleast once in their friendship.However not good looking the girl is,she has what he needs and yes she is a potential socket to his plug.So if you have that man with a female best friend watch out now before you end up being the friend while he discovers true love in his 'best friend' or worse he could be hooking up with the both of you,which is probably what he is doing anyway.

And guys,I hate to be the one to tell you this but, if your strategy is to be her friend and then progress into her pants,quit while you are ahead.She either thinks you are gay(which she is cool with) or she likes the idea of having a guy she can rave and rant to about the guy she wants or her periods...you know,girl stuff.

The point is,if you are looking to hook up with someone in the real world,be straightforward and let him/her know that you like what you see and you want to..you know what.

The friend zone tactic was brought about by mexican soaps where the friend always gets the girl.That only works in soaps and boarding schools.

Please be advised ,Im not a relationship guru and the views expressed here are entirely from my own thought process with a hint of experience.

Thats all Im saying.

ADOPT A CELEB!!!

I was walking in town last night to get a matatu(PSVminivan) to go home and as usual everyone I passed would stop and stare at me like I was lost.This is normal for me especially since I left Big Brother..(yes people sometimes i use public transport because i didnt get paid after big brother)but what was odd this particular evening was that as I was standing there in a crowd of people, I overheard two girls who were standing next to me say

Girl 1: si this is that chic for Big Brother?
Girl 2: kwani even celebs jav(use public transport)?

Celebs dont jav? Note that Im standing right next to them...for all I know they could have been talking to me without my knowledge.

Anyway,thats not my point. The point is that how do celebrities earn a living in kenya? The truth is that most musicians,actors and all other entertainers in Kenya are struggling? I know some of you are probably saying that you have seen your local celbrities driving big cars(in kenya that is toyota mac x ,at most, mercedes benz)but in all honesty thats peanuts compared to their counterparts in other African countries.

Just cross the border into Uganda and look for one man called Bobi Wine.The guy even has a chopper or so I heard.So where did Kenyans get it wrong?

Its so amazing that you can invite some of the biggest names in the music industry to your event and pay them 100,000kshs and they are over the moon..100k?pliz,the dbanj's and tha p-square's would laugh in your face with that offer.To invite Dbanj to perform in Kenya will cost you 30.000$ no negotiation and that is on a good day. To take say Jua cali to Nigeria, will probably cost you say 3000$ thats if you are in a generous mood.

But seriously,Kenyans don't like to pay for entertainment,but would rather pay for foreign artists to perform than promote their homegrown talent.

well one can argue that homegrown artists dont take themselves seriously,so their fans cant see them any differently.True! but how can an upcoming artist support himself and all his expenses and expect him to produce good quality to stand against artists that have well oiled team behind him.

Did you know that to be signed to a record label in Kenya does not necessarily mean they market you package you and sell you...but in actual sense they charge you to record per song???and then you go out and distribute it to radio stations tv stations deejays and hope it gets airtime and eventually translates into performances.WTF???When in Naija, Psquare is clocking 2million record sales a month, Jua cali is hoping that he gets to do 30 performances where he will earn about 50,000 a show and nowhere does the idea of record sales occur to him.

why you may ask. ill tell you why.Its because we are not buying his cd's instead we pirate them..(btw.piracy is a crime)did you know that platinum in Kenya is 10,000 copies sold?imagine what Psquare would say.

So before you criticise you homegrown artists take time to think of the kind of hardship they endure to get their work out there for you to enjoy.For the artists I just have one piece of advice,You cannot sow maize and harvest beans.(what i mean is,you cannot do half baked issh and expect Kenyans to buy your music).Check yourself!

Thats all Im saying...

I MAY BE A GOLD DIGGER!!!!

Let the truth be told...or atleast my version of the truth...

You know what,sometymz I just need a man to be there for me...strong,secure and all those good things that come with being in a relationship with your soulmate...

But most of the time I just want to be treated like a princesss...Am I a gold digger???I dont think so...

I want a man with a J.O.B who has loads of money and knows how to spend it on me...Lets be real no woman is looking for a man who aint got dough..but if she does go out with one,it wasnt in her plans..

Financial stability is very important for a woman...or atleast for me..It shows me the man is hardworking(not that broke guys arent) ...anyway who cares...

If you think Im alone...ask yourself why every time your woman gives you the time of your life in bed you end up coughing up some major dough for the salon bill,her rent,her mother's root canal...or something...

Or think of it like this...when you are out in the club and you see a beautiful woman with her friends,you try to approach her by using words and she doesnt give you the time of day...but then you up your game and offer to buy her and her friends drinks she even introduces you to them...

Anyway No woman wants a broke nigga but that dont mean she a gold digger...

Thats all Im saying!!!

POTATOE,POTATO!!!

I know a couple of people who have gone abroad for a month or two and came back speaking like an American even when the trip was to russia...Wasup with that???

Im just trying to understand is there something wrong with our african accents...

once I told a friend of mine that its sad that as africans we are not proud of our cultures.It only brings us pride to be African when you watch say a music video of Kanye West doing an African theme on his song Love lockdown or when Orprah and the rest of the African Americans in Hollywood decide to trace their DNA back to Africa. We forget that they are just trying to find Identity as they have not been accepted as equals in the White dominated continents.

Anyway I dont entirely blame us as Africans because for the past century we have been defined as A dark continent...bla bla boo hoo

But before I digress and make this a neo-politically correct forum, let me get back to my original topic.

I was listening to the radio yesterday stuck in crazy traffic when it hit me.Why on earth do our radio presenters sound like they are Americans???If it was your first time in Kenya and you turned your dial from station to station you would think only african americans make it to become radio presenters.

when one of our local rock radio stations was starting out they advertised for radio presenters and one of the qualifications was : ENGLISH ACCENT.

English Accent????Please pardon my french but WTF??? that is ridiculous.If only 10% of the population has studied abroad,how on earth do you expect to get people with english accents..in Kenya??

Does that mean that if radio presenters actually spoke like a Kenyan,(note: MOST Kenyans speak VERY good english)that they would not have listenership???again pardon my french,but thats a load of bull...

When I read that ad in the paper,I felt that it was racist for lack of a better word.Am I saying that ad was discriminating against Africans who have what it takes to be on raido including myself?You damn right I am.

Anyway,If we want to progress as a continent and ask for the other continents to appreciate us a force to reckon with, we need to check ourselves...

Thats all Im saying.

LOUISE THE PEST!!!!

Im greatly concerned about Mr. louise the pest. For those of you who don't know who this great 'personality' is let me fill you in.

There is a pesticide spray called mortein doom. Louise has been in mortein doom,mortein doom fast kill,mortein doom super fast kill,mortein doom super herbal,return of the mosquitoes among other super episodes.

In all the commercials, Louise is the bad guy who gets sprayed down to his death for running a gang of mosquitoes.Yes he ALWAYS dies,but comes back in the sequels looking better and stronger.(if thats not sending an unclear message about how the product works? and it jus goes to how that maybe louise doesnt do his own stunts..)

Any way,the other day Im watching season three of Mortein Doom; Adventures of Louise the Pest and in this particular scene Louise, as usual is leading a pack of mosquitoes to break in to this house...

Louise: c'mon guys Lets go spread some malaria.....

I was astounded as I heard this and I immediately knew that Louise was in trouble because...Louise is a fly and flies DONT spread malaria.the poor fellow must think he is a mosquito...

I have seen Louise grow on my television screen to become one of Kenya's biggest celebrity but like all child stars he must be on crack...he needs help!!!an AAA intervention...

Ps Louise the Pest is an animated character...so in essence Im indirectly talking about the daft guy who wrote the script and the dummy who approved it...but its entertaining...what does that say about me?

Have a relentless day.

MORONIC IRONY!!!

Hey,

yeah I know its been a while but Im back.yeah it was a long weekend.

I loved watching the Mtv Europe Music Awards ,which may I add were nothing like the Mtv Africa Music Awards...Lets face it,WE HAVE A LOOOONG WAY TO GO!!!

Anyway so on friday I decided to go to a certain lounge in Nairobi to have a drink with a friend after work...(note;the whole day was working with a nasty hangie from previous night indulgence),and I was in a very foul mood. The waiter starts Pms;n on me...I almost caused a scene but my friend told me to take it easy..

I wonder to myself, Is it too much to ask that the waiter be a lot more nicer considering Id had a long day...and I came to this watering hole to relieve myself from the day's stress only for him to multiply it. My conclusion is that for god sakes,I did not ask you to work in customer care and hospitality if your attitude stinks.

Anyway,I had an equally ironic thought. Why do they advise us not to drink and drive whilst they continue to expand parking spots at various watering holes???? Isnt that the biggest bunch of crap ever???ofcourse im going to drive myself home after im done drinking..or did you think I was going to leave my car here, and then come pick it the next day???If thats what you had in mind when you started the campaign against drunk driving,you should remove the parking lots in clubs,bars and anywhere else they sell alcohol..and while you are at it...think of a solution to the problem that would cause...like say car pooling to the club with a chauffer..

Have a driven day!!!

ARE YOU IN THE CLOSET???

Often I find myself in conversations with people and we can talk about anything from food to politics,sports to business and the most preferred topic is sex. Yes people love to talk about sex.How to do it,who to do it with,where,when ,different positions etc. There you go getting all excited already. Well this is not about sex.Its about God. Where you going? Dont stop reading this is exactly what I want to talk about. We love to talk about anything else except for God. Why is that?

I have recently discovered that I have a lot of friends who are closet God lovers(note:not saved people but God lovers). They sing,they praise,they go to church read their bibles but would never admitt to one another unless very necessary that they do this things. Infact they feel uncomfortable speaking about it.

Im not saying that they should buy a ' I LOVE GOD' t-shirt. No. Im just wondering why young people will not openly talk about God without feeling uncomfortable about it.Is loving God uncool, or are God lovers being persecuted for their beliefs.

If you fall under this category you are definitely in THE CLOSET and you need to COME OUT.
Its what you believe so be proud of your choices,your Faith,your Beliefs.So on that note, Hi Its Kwambox and I read my bible occassionally(as often as I can).What? Atleast I read.and I pray more often than I read.There I said it. You?

THIS ONE'S FOR YOU?

for my faithful friends on my blog, im giving you an opportunity to write whatever you wish to write and we discuss it..different topix...and lets have some fun.

GET WELL SOON CROOKED Q

You guy.what happened to good ol fashioned krakn at q'z?The last tym I was at q'z Izo salimiad me like the prodigal son...I felt so welcome...kumbe I was the first customer of the night...it was midnight.

if i tell you my memories of Q'z youll sare...you guy Ashok needs to d something to resuscitate the legend...He should have seen the signs: there was mass exodus to Bacchus aka the corridor,aka the bedroom,aka the entrance,aka club simama points..etc...

speaking of simama points,SOMEONE explain to me why I stand all night in that club all in the name of rhumbain...and si ati aim kunywain maji...im on madd juizzzz...

av shibad bacchus and i want to go back to good ol fashioned rhumbain...While ashok thinx of his resuscitation plan...i ave patad a new joint...COUNTER aka CLUB HANDBAGS...i rhumbad ther e last weekend but one and it felt alittle more like Q'z...plus they have a 24hr shopping mall for male and female true story...asin you can drink and shop in the comfort of your bar...and the crowd is good...ample parking nini nini...
so im detoxn from electric avenue until further notice.

WHAT GIVES!!!

I have been looking forward to share my thoughts with whoever cares to listen so I went out and made me a blog. So if you are reading this,thanx for taking the time out.

So what gives.you guy of late theres just madd invasion of naija music in the kenyan market,mtvbase,channel o etc.as in i probably know more naija acts than kenyan acts and i must confess....im loving it .every inch of that pidgin that i hardly understand most of what is said...what!!!

kwanza if you soma my status update,' e no easy' ,is the title to the new p square jam and that melody cant get it out of my head.im listening to more and more naija music and less and even lesser kenyan music.

whats with the naija music.what is giving it that appeal,that i still cant explain?
you know what, il be honest. I love the music,the culture,the pidgin....hey!I beg. Need I say more.

dont get me wrong, NAJIVUNIA KUWA MKENYA, but naija music has got my attention.